You were born in the winter
The fifth out of six
You've always had the looks you needed
To get all your kicks

You were a Catholic schoolboy
In a uniform
You learned to play the piano
And you tried to conform

You met a young girl
Who set your heart on fire
You were blinded by lust
And the heat of desire

But then your momma said,
“Son, you can't have her -
Because her daddy is in bed with Henry Kissinger!”

CHORUS:
Well, you've been all around the world roaming wild and free!
I'd really much rather be you than me
I hope that someday I can write your biography
Please, won't you tell me what it's like to be
An international man of mystery?

You found a job in the States
You had nothing to lose
You made a friend
Who showed you where to hear the blues

You learned to speak English
like a Southern gent
And the ladies creamed their panties
For your accent

It was the era of Clinton –
the economy boomed
but because you were a foreigner
you knew you were doomed

So you went and made the choice that you had to make
And you left a trail of broken hearts in your wake

CHORUS

You flew across the ocean
In an aeroplane
You decided to stop
And spend some time in Spain

You grew your hair out long
You got a PhD
You played a lot of soccer,
And you smoked lots of weed

You found yourself a woman
She was just your type
She moved away
And now she's just your friend on Skype
Well, without your woman there was no reason to stay
So once again, you packed your bags and you moved away

CHORUS

And then you found yourself
Down in Mexico
You were practically neighbors
with Frida Kahlo

You took pictures of things
Much too tiny to see
You did a lot of yoga
and tried LSD

And then you came to California
Your existence was drab,
You spent most of your time
locked up in a lab
You came out to take a class I’m sure you regret
Because it was there, coincidentally, that the two of us met

Well, now yoga is something that I’ve never enjoyed
And I can’t smoke marijuana - I get paranoid
I’ve tried to follow soccer - but I’m mostly behind,
And I know if I dropped acid - I would lose my mind
I know I’m just another woman that you ran into
I know I’ll never really mean all that much to you
But you can’t just disappear because you know it’s wrong
Someday an uppity gringa bitch just might write you a song

You’ve been all around the world roaming wild and free
I’d really much rather be you than me
I hope that someday I can write your biography
Please won’t you tell me what it’s like to be
An international man of mystery
An international man of mystery
An international man of mystery...